As a mentor to aspiring coaches on a post-graduate level Leadership Coaching program, I’ve put a lot of thought over the years into mentoring leaders and helping them develop their ability to give their best to the people they impact.

Let’s start by defining mentoring. Mentoring is a relationship centered around the sharing of knowledge and guidance by a person with more experience in a particular field with a person who has less experience of it.

It is important to clarify the difference between mentoring and coaching, as I’m aware that people are sometimes unclear on this. When I coach, I act as thought partner to a client who brings a challenge to discuss. I help them think out loud – for example about what energizes them vs what drains them – and notice where their attention goes, what lights them up or turns them off. Together, we look at the inner places they hadn’t noticed before and explore the challenge not just as an isolated problem, but taking into account the person being coached and the organization they are a part of. This helps the client come to decisions and choose action steps that give them a strong sense of ownership and feel authentic to them: aligned with their values and those of their organization.

The people I coach have expertise in their field that I don’t need, because as their coach, I am facilitating their thought process, their exploration of what they know and what they’d like to do about it. On the other hand, in mentoring, it is essential to have knowledge and expertise in the subject being explored.

So, a mentor has experience in a certain area and shares their knowledge and guidance with the mentee. A coach has experience in coaching and helps the client think through a challenge out loud, asking thought-provoking questions that help the client create authentic strategies for responding to said challenge.

With the difference between mentoring vs coaching clarified, let’s move on to my tips for effective mentoring.

1. Listen

It can be flattering to be asked to mentor someone. If your company has a mentoring program and you are asked to serve as a mentor, your conscientious nature and genuine good intentions may get in the way more than you expect. It is all too easy to share your knowledge before you’ve truly heard and understood the challenges your mentee is facing.

The danger is that without slowing yourself down enough to be curious and grasp where your mentee is coming from, you may at best cause frustration by addressing a question they’re not asking, and at worst come across as a self-centered know-it-all.

2. You have to care about mentoring, and about your mentee

It is an honor to be asked to mentor someone, and to have a chance to invest in their growth. If you do it well, you also will grow and be challenged. If you don’t want to be a mentor, please either decline the opportunity or invest in some reading or coaching to help you see the value and embrace this new responsibility.

Equally, if you care about mentoring but find yourself unable to care about your mentee’s personal and professional development, you may need to work on your ability to empathize. Failing that, you may need to acknowledge that you are not a good fit for that person and ask for a different mentor to be assigned to them.

3. Your way of being and communicating speaks louder than the knowledge you share

One thing I’ve found with mentoring is that everything I do and say either adds to or takes away from my impact as a mentor. If I say very helpful things, but there was a miscommunication at the start of the session, my mentee may not take them on board. I’ve worked hard at my EQ and communication skills and am very intentional about how I use them in coaching and mentoring sessions. Still, disconnects occasionally happen, and when they do, I’ve learned to be gently direct and to express my commitment to the mentee’s advancement, making myself vulnerable and letting them know that I am on their side. With everything I say, I try to convey my respect for them as we partner together towards their success.

Beware of interference that can get in the way of your mentee hearing and receiving your hard-earned wisdom. Show your respect by holding a high standard for your interactions with them. Lateness, lack of organization, lack of preparation, distractions, being rushed, getting carried away telling your own leadership anecdotes, and not listening carefully are examples of negative mentor behaviors that create noise that muffles your message and keeps them from getting maximum benefits from the mentoring relationship.

4. Don’t overwhelm or underwhelm them

In many ways, we mentors are walking a tightrope. If we go too far in one direction, we could enthusiastically deluge the mentee with our words of wisdom (I say that tongue-in-cheek) and sound advice, offering more than they can absorb and turning them off. They are already juggling a lot in their professional roles, and drinking from a fire hose may provide them with an excess of information; too much to actually practice and develop all at once.

On the other hand, we need to remember that they are intelligent and whole, able to communicate the pace at which they’re comfortable and able to gauge how much information they can handle. So as mentors, we do well to offer them input and partner with them regarding how much or how little they can handle, and how fast they want to work on their chosen topics.

5. See them – and treat them – as your equal

Although your mentee may be younger, newer to the organization, or less experienced than you, as a person, they are your equal. Think of this as a process of co-creating the mentoring relationship together with them. Yes, there will be times when you need to offer feedback or share your observations about them. It is my practice to ask permission before challenging a mentee’s assumptions or pushing back when I feel they have a belief that is a barrier to high performance.

This goes back to respect and to genuine caring. When you are genuinely invested in your mentee’s development, they will see and experience that, and you will both grow.

Mentorship is a privilege to be a part of. At its best, you will grow and experience the joy of having invested meaningfully in a person and watching them develop and grow wings to fly in their career. This is why mentoring is important. Being a mentor is a gift to you and to your mentee. You both give of yourselves, and you both gain the benefits of learning from each other’s experience